There has been much discussion during this campaign as to whether or not the US forces should leave Iraq.
Johnny, frankly, is all in favour of bringing the boys home.
Frankly, he despises the inefficiency of the US government run efforts in Iraq. It has been consistently demonstrated that if you really want to fuck up a country, you need to contract it out to the private sector.
The American private sector has offered far more fuck-up-the-country-and-oppress-the-locals bang for the taxpayers dollar than any government-run operation could ever hope to.
This war has been far more successfully privatised than any other in history - but Johnny still thinks it needs to be taken further. The core of the job - the killing and torturing - is still being undertaken by government employees. Johnny believes we can see a huge improvement in the economic efficiency of the operation by privatising this core, too.
As such, when you elect him president, Johnny promises to outsource all military actions to his "associates" in the "industry."
Showing posts with label iraq. Show all posts
Showing posts with label iraq. Show all posts
Monday, October 20, 2008
Sunday, October 12, 2008
War
When asked about war, Johnny’s response is usually something along the lines of “Where’s my fucking payment? That was high quality merchandise I sold you, Mohammad, and I demand that you make good on your end of the deal!”
However, now that he is running for President, Johnny has been asked to give a more general statement on his opinion of the state of war, in Iraq, in Afghanistan and the war on terror in general.
He’s for it.
Johnny realises what many people (the current government of the United States excepted) don’t: that war is a really good way of drumming up votes, fixing the economy (well, the economy of CEOs of large weapons manufacturers) and turning public opinion to your favour. Perfect for someone seeking political advancement.
Johnny sees the truth in the statement by Prussian general Carl von Clausewitz, who said that “war is the continuation of politics by other means.”
Of course, it could be argued that the methods Johnny was using in the first place were already pretty war-like. So let’s just say that war is the continuation of Johnny getting what he wants by more extreme – but essentially unchanged – means.
However, now that he is running for President, Johnny has been asked to give a more general statement on his opinion of the state of war, in Iraq, in Afghanistan and the war on terror in general.
He’s for it.
Johnny realises what many people (the current government of the United States excepted) don’t: that war is a really good way of drumming up votes, fixing the economy (well, the economy of CEOs of large weapons manufacturers) and turning public opinion to your favour. Perfect for someone seeking political advancement.
Johnny sees the truth in the statement by Prussian general Carl von Clausewitz, who said that “war is the continuation of politics by other means.”
Of course, it could be argued that the methods Johnny was using in the first place were already pretty war-like. So let’s just say that war is the continuation of Johnny getting what he wants by more extreme – but essentially unchanged – means.
Wednesday, October 08, 2008
The Past
Condaleeza Rice in May of this year, responding to allegations in Scott McClellan’s book ‘What Happened’ that the Bush administration knew the intelligence on Iraq’s links to terrorism was flawed:
“You can’t transplant yourself into the present and say we should have known things that we, in fact, did not know in 2001, 2002, 2003. The record on weapons of mass destruction was one that appeared to be very clear.”
Yes, it appeared to be very clear indeed. The weapons inspectors stated categorically that there were no WMD. Ambassador Joe Wilson gave evidence that the reports of yellowcake uranium from Niger were erroneous. It appeared to be very clear indeed that there were no WMD in Iraq.
However, that is not what you want to hear. You want to hear Secretary Rice say that there was no way you could have known, so that you can still feel justified for supporting the rush to war.
Johnny will tell you the past the way you want it to have been.
Johnny knows that none of the problems facing America are due to your apathy, your ineptitude, your willingness to be led down the easy path by a corrupt government, rather than going to the effort of forming your own judgements based on evidence and common sense. You couldn’t have known. It’s not your fault.
Johnny won’t make you face up to your past – he’ll condemn you to repeat it.
“You can’t transplant yourself into the present and say we should have known things that we, in fact, did not know in 2001, 2002, 2003. The record on weapons of mass destruction was one that appeared to be very clear.”
Yes, it appeared to be very clear indeed. The weapons inspectors stated categorically that there were no WMD. Ambassador Joe Wilson gave evidence that the reports of yellowcake uranium from Niger were erroneous. It appeared to be very clear indeed that there were no WMD in Iraq.
However, that is not what you want to hear. You want to hear Secretary Rice say that there was no way you could have known, so that you can still feel justified for supporting the rush to war.
Johnny will tell you the past the way you want it to have been.
Johnny knows that none of the problems facing America are due to your apathy, your ineptitude, your willingness to be led down the easy path by a corrupt government, rather than going to the effort of forming your own judgements based on evidence and common sense. You couldn’t have known. It’s not your fault.
Johnny won’t make you face up to your past – he’ll condemn you to repeat it.
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Some doubting-thomases, un-swayed by the unassailable rightness of Johnny the Red's policy statements have suggested that they are, in fact, nonsense. That they are not solutions to the problems of the world, but simply non sequiturs justifying his own homicidal - or indeed genocidal - tendencies.
We suspect that these critics are probably communists, or terrorists, or communist terrorists, but unfortunately we cannot pursue this line of inquiry as they have all mysteriously met with unfortunate accidents. In any case we would like to point out to the internet in general that Mr the Red's strategies make perfect sense - that is, unless you are also a communist terrorist! However, we would like to clarify certain points.
Following the example of the current administration, Johnny is doing the following:
* Reducing unemployment by clubbing baby seals to death
* Protecting the environment by refusing to sign the Kyoto accord
* Fixing the economy by giving nuns wedgies
* Protecting the world from a Saudi Arabian terrorist by invading Afghanistan
* Raising literacy rates by burning orphanages
* Protecting the world from a Saudi Arabian terrorist by invading Iraq
* Reducing the cost of health care by chopping down ancient redwood forests
* Increasing funding to the arts by torturing prisoners in Guantanamo Bay
* Protecting the world from the nuclear threat posed by North Korea by
looking for an excuse to invade Iran
We suspect that these critics are probably communists, or terrorists, or communist terrorists, but unfortunately we cannot pursue this line of inquiry as they have all mysteriously met with unfortunate accidents. In any case we would like to point out to the internet in general that Mr the Red's strategies make perfect sense - that is, unless you are also a communist terrorist! However, we would like to clarify certain points.
Following the example of the current administration, Johnny is doing the following:
* Reducing unemployment by clubbing baby seals to death
* Protecting the environment by refusing to sign the Kyoto accord
* Fixing the economy by giving nuns wedgies
* Protecting the world from a Saudi Arabian terrorist by invading Afghanistan
* Raising literacy rates by burning orphanages
* Protecting the world from a Saudi Arabian terrorist by invading Iraq
* Reducing the cost of health care by chopping down ancient redwood forests
* Increasing funding to the arts by torturing prisoners in Guantanamo Bay
* Protecting the world from the nuclear threat posed by North Korea by
looking for an excuse to invade Iran
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