The buzz

A question we often get asked here at the Johnny the Red for President of the United States campaign headquarters is: "What is Johnny's policy on killer bees?"

Johnny is against them.

It was around about ten years ago, and Johnny was on a job in South Africa - something to do with diamonds. Anyway, Johnny had been staking out the target for days, but could never get a clear shot for all the bodyguards. Finally, he got a line of sight through the hired thugs. Unfortunately, unknown to Johnny, a killer bee had crawled up his trousers and chose that exact moment to sting him someplace sensitive.

Johnny wound up firing three hundred rounds into a passing flock of rare birds.

Needless to say, even the thickest of the hired thugs spotted Johnny at that point. So he had no choice but to kill them all. With his teeth.

And if there's one thing Johnny hates, it's a freebie.

After killing them all, with no one else in sight, Johnny had no other option than to suck the poison out himself. Fortunately, he'd just spent six weeks posing as a Latvian aerobics instructor, so his flexibility was at its peak.

But that's another story. The point is: "Say no to killer bees."